Divorce is hard. And if you’ve gone through a divorce, or are trying to stand by a friend during their divorce, you know there are a lot of things not to say. And then there are the things you really really need not say. Below are some of the top things people going through a divorce wish they never had to hear again.
Advice You Wish You’d Never Heard
“Work it out”
No one who has decided on going through with divorce wants to hear a suggestion of “working it out.” Chances are they have already done everything in their power to do so.
“Everything heals with time”
While it might be true that time does help to ease certain pains, it’s important to remember that there is not a set timetable for feeling better or moving forward. The strain of divorce can impact someone for a very long time, and even then, she wounds are never healed. This can especially be the case in divorces that result from infidelity.
“You’re so strong! You’ll get over this! You’ll move on!”
This can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Chances are your friend has heard this a lot. And if you’ve been through a divorce, chances are you’ve also heard this a lot. If you’re on the end receiving this advice it can feel like, “wow, strength doesn’t have anything to do with this!” or “what if I don’t want to get one this and move on?”
“At least you’ll get spousal support”
Thought it might seem obvious to you, sometimes the awarding of spousal support isn’t so obvious to a court. And often, even if spousal support is awarded, there are thousands of cases where spousal support is not paid.
This might be the worst advice. If a marriage is over for someone, it’s over.
“You’ll be happier after the divorce”
It can take a long time to recover from a divorce. And you can never be sure that that person will actually be happier.
“Take your time hiring a lawyer”
It’s definitely advised that a person takes a look at many lawyers and meets with them before choosing one to have represent them. But bringing in a lawyer early on in the divorce can help ensure they get the best settlement. A lawyer can provide advice on all paperwork to gather, as well as their legal rights and what steps need to be taken.
Source: The Huffington Post, 15 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Considering Divorce, September 15, 2014