Over the years of working with divorcing clients, divorce coach and consultant Cathy Meyer has taken a closer look at the reasons behind why people seek divorce.
Three Major Causes
“I often hear people say they are divorcing due to infidelity or ‘growing apart,’ or better yet, ’I fell out of love,’” she says. But all those statements have led her to wonder one thing: have those people ever thought about what got them to the point of divorce? After asking this she has been able to conclude there are three major causes of divorce.
While this may seem harsh, Meyer feels people don’t really want to work at marriage. And it’s true – a lot of people look to marriage as a separate entity and something that will make you happy. The view is that marriage is something outside of the spouses – something that will thrive and survive with little input from the spouses. But a marriage just won’t work if you aren’t working hard to make it work and make it last.
Communication Skills – or Lack of
People lack in communication skills – often not knowing how to talk to each other, and even more important, how to listen. So often it seems that spouses put little effort into wisely expressing their feelings and openly listening. Talking and listening must become habits for a solid marriage to be made.
Oftentimes marital expectations do not align with the realities of life within a marriage. Assumptions about marriage are based on variables. People throw a “marriage band-aid” on things – once we’ll marry he’ll change that. Or, once we’re married she won’t do that any more. When expectations aren’t met it can lead to problems. Communicating before entering into a marriage can assuage any unrealistic expectations one has of marriage.
Bottom line: when marriages are nurtured and work is done to protect a marriage, they will not fall victim to myriad of problems, and might help you avoid divorce.
For questions regarding divorce, contact the Law Offices of Korol and Velen, Certified Family Law Specialists.
Source: Divorcesupport.com, Three Major Causes of Divorce, 2014